How well do you know Marc Jacobs' history? I don't usually like to get all soppy and mushy mushy but the people at Gay Bloggies asked the remaining contestants (myself included) to make a short video clip about any subject. The first thing person that came to mind was Marc Jacobs. A friend and I planned to do this whole "Leave Marc Jacobs Alone" thing like that loony bin who did Britney's (and shall remain nameless) but I didn't have the luxury of free time. Well, thanks to the Gay Bloggies deadline, I spent the entire day making/editing a NEW vid in good ol' Bryanboy style.
See for yourself. I have a feeling the only ones who are gonna find this video hilarious are the fashion pack because of all the references I made, right down to my choice of music and spring 2008 styling. Do you really think the average, non-fashion-obsessed Joe from Lexington, KY knows Marc Jacobs used to be a different person? I don't know. Do they even know who Marc Jacobs is?
In any case, I think it's a fun, cheeky video. This, my friends, is what I call dedication.
And a note to the NYLONMILANPARIS fashion pack and my fashion fiends who know who they are: please feel free to vid to anyone you know who will forward this vid to Marc Jacobs. I have a feeling he's gonna shit his pants and get pissed at me (or maybe he'll laugh AND give me all the Marc things I want, you never know haha) but dammit I love that man.
Well? What do you think? Watch the video. I wanna hear your thoughts.
PS. It's 9PM on a Friday and I'm going to sleep. I've been awake for the past 28 hours!!!
PPSS. I did it again! God damn I always do it. I think I must've said "you know" at least 58 times!! I figured it's so much better NOT to read a script and babble away with whatever nonsense I could think of. When I tried to read my script, it was HORRIBLE. Horrible I tell ya.
PPPSSS. Jason Preston is actually a lovely guy. That guy is adorable!
Karl Lagerfeld I am not. I should've worn a more structured black something something on top of the white shirt instead of a black flowy flowy cardigan because we all know Karl is severe when it comes to his label but whatevs. LOL. Here's a little clip of me doing what I do best: mince around town and burn my lungs. I took my gool ol' sheer pants aka shants and my marc jacobs gladiator boots out for a spin whilst running some errands earlier. It's quarter to midnight and I've been up since 8AM today. I've slept for only 4 hours! My head is spinning but whatevs. Busy, busy bee!
It's funny how I deliberately walked past Starbucks where there's lots of people but for some strange reason, no one stared at me. Bah. Damn ho bags are probably blind. It's strange cause I walked past a restaurant before that and EVERYONE looked at me which is good because I love attention and I love it when people gawk and stare at me. Oh well, maybe it's because that branch of Starbucks is having some sort of a blind person convention? Oh well. Anyway, if I can wear sheer pants why can't you? We all know I'm not the prettiest bird in the flock but hella I wore mine with pride. I think you should, too. SHEER PANTS AKA SHANTS ARE FOR EVERYBODY!
Guess who dropped by at my 24-hour voicemail line? It's the queen of all media, Perez Hilton!
What do *YOU* think?
Update: 11:06AM - I am getting tons of emails saying "that is not Peepee's voice. WELL, that IS his voice. Check out the comments on my recent YouTube videos. Also, Perez emailed me saying he left me a voicemail message so go figure. Ask him if you must. Get over it.
BRYANBOY IN PIGTAILS! Well.. that's a first. LOL. Anyway, like what I said, this has got to be the most hilarious (at least to me) video I ever made. Even funnier than my Mrs. Granny Bee video. BE SURE TO SET THE VOLUME HIGH cause the voice on the vid (past the music) ain't that loud.
There are only two ways to unleash your inner ghetto fabulouzzzz best when it's 3 o'clock on a Monday morning: bake yourself in a huge oven, or, cover yourself in black eyeshadow like I did. This video is dedicated to that amazing Columbia, South Carolina entity who left me the most hilarious voicemail message I have EVER, EVER, EVER received in my entire life.
I'm telling you guys, I believe in reincarnation and in my next life, I'm gonna be a gorgeous Somalian princess. Mark my words. Repeat after me: Mike will hook you up boy, hook you up!
It's been a month since I made a video so here's another one. Nothing special here, just me smoking and walking around -- things I do best. Mauuuuureeeeeessssseeeeeyoooo I used the Madonna song (Secret Garden) you sent me!
Here's a little teaser... we took this vid at this little corner in the middle of nowhere (I don't wanna be seen mincing like Tanya Dziahileva on crack by any human entity other than myself) on our way back from grandmum's. No, of course I didn't wear my heels to see her -- I had them at the back of the car for special times like these. Anyhoo, I've got like 30 minutes worth of footage to "work" on and I thought this one was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. Calling the attention of the GOOL-ies, Sooomyantha and Shania Rendevous!!! Am I doing "it" right???
PUTANG INANG BADING!!!! Translation: GOD DAMN FAGGOT!!!"
Here's a little candid vid a friend took of me. Watch me gay it up to the extreme, flying wrists and flailing hands and all, for the security guard who was being a complete pest. It's funny how I could barely carry my bag when all I had inside bag was my phone, a lighter, a packet of cigarettes, a tiny flask of vodka and some nembutal. Just kidding.
I'm soooo fat I HATE IT!!!!
Security guard: It's not allowed to take photos. Mich: Bawal mag ano? (Translation: It's not allowed to what?) Security guard: It's not allowed to take photos. Mich: Ahhhhh. OK.
Faggotry in Motion #014 - Movement, Motion & Mincing
OK. It's 5AM in the third world and I'm about to pass out. Here's a new faggotry in motion video for you guys. I just bought a copy of Adobe Premiere and it's HELL!!! I can't, for the life of god, figure out the settings to get crystal clear videos that's under 100 megabytes. The quality of my video looks like the same quality of those trash music videos made in the third world. I tried to export the file in quicktime and windows media but it's still crappy on Youtube. And worse, I look FAT, thanks to the blur and all the pixelation brouhaha. My thighs are ginormous!!! Whatevs. What a waste, really. You can see all the photos here.
Back to the video -- you know what I just noticed? I can't bloody walk a straight line!!! And I'm 100% sober! My walk somewhat reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend of a friend many, many, many years ago during Gisele/Brasilomania. Some faggots at some club were doing a vogue off so I asked the FoF which model's walk I resemble the most. Bitch said Angela Lindvall (I was secretly rooting for Carmen Kass). Well, maybe he's right. Fast forward a few years later, homegirl did my pose for Fendi. Loves it. In any case, fuck putting effort in walking you know, walking is just... walking. Though I have to admit, NATASHA POLY is the best catwalker out there.
On that note, you'll see how I walk/mince on the video below so click click click!
London work it out. Athens work it out. Ibiza work it out. LA work it out. San Francisco work it out. Barcelona work it out. Madrid work it out.
Remember kids: shake it till you break it. Fake it till you make it. Work it like you own it!
PS. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO WHORE MY NEW VID TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. KEEP THE FAGGOTRY ALIVE! I LOVE YOU ALL!
Jesus mother of god. What's up with the emails???? In the past four hours, I received over 300 emails and god knows how many SMS messages thanks to faggots at some internet forum. Will y'all please stop speculating about my weight? I am fat. I am chubby. I am in desperate need to lose weight. To be honest with you, I've lost interest in taking photos because everyone is going crazy with my pictures and y'all have something to say. People start calling you a pig the moment you gain a few pounds here and there and when you do starve yourself for days surviving on nothing but 2 cans of corn, endless cups of green tea and a shitload of ice water every day then people fire away photo chop accusations. Good god gracious. I've had it. I really have had it. Well, enjoy the vid below. Yes I AM FUCKING FAT. I AM MORBIDLY OBESE! AND NO I AM NOT ANA OR MIA AND I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL GET OVER IT YA FUCKIN CUNTS!
I swear to god, some of you people are like the kind of faggots who choke themselves while they're jacking off. I fucking hope you choke yourself a little too hard one day and your mother finds you dead with your dildo still up your ass.
Shower me with attention and inflate my ego. Email photos of your love and I'll add you to my ever-growing collection. Be creative! Be spontaneous! Send them to bryan@bryanboy.com today!
AS SEEN IN: AMERICAN VOGUE
Click HERE to watch behind-the-scenes footage of the shoot.