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January 17, 2005

I shot the pervert, but I did not shoot the cutie.

I know, I know. I've been extremely busy the past week. I'm so backlogged with work, it's not even funny.

Thank you for all the heart-warming emails asking where I am or why I've been so quiet the past couple of days. It's not funny when you've got dozens upon dozens of blog readers knocking on your gmail account.

On that note, let's get down to business.

I was browsing some sites earlier and stumbled upon the State of Maine Sex Offenders Registry. I know, I know, sex crimes are no laughing matter - trust me, they should put all those pedophiles into gas chambers etc.

But I'm bored. Extremely bored. I tried to stop myself but I just couldn't.

The inevitable thought sprang in my head -- who amongst these sex offenders would I organize a gang bang with?

Using firefox, I decided to search for sex offenders within my age range. Here's what I came across. Click the thumbnails for a full-sized picture.

Believe me, every one else is ugly. I've spent far too much time sorting out who's doable. Post your comments, Cinderella, on who you think is the fairest of them all.

Robertlindsey3rd_062382 Robert J Lindsey 3rd
June 23, 1982
Disseminating sexually explicit material
Shawnhenrystaudinger_043082_1 Shawn Henry Staudinger
April 30, 1982
Criminal Sexual Conduct 2nd Degree
Patrickjohndyer072281_1 Patrick John Dyer
July 22, 1981
Sexual abuse of a minor
Rockyeugenelucas11061981 Rocky Eugene Lucas
November 6, 1981
Unlawful Sexual Contact
Zacharywebber Zachary Webber
August 21, 1981
Sexual abuse of a minor
Markfuller Mark A Fuller
January 6, 1979
Sexual abuse of a minor (4 times)
Antonyf Antony F.
September 20, 1980
Sexual abuse of a minor (4 counts)
Jamesdalekitchinjr James Dale Kitchin Jr
April 25, 1977
Unlawful sexual contact

I think that's it. I can't be bothered to search beyond 1977. Besides, 8 felons should be enough for the night, don't you think?

And for those of you who adore lesbians and freakshows, here's a threesome just for you. My treat.

Angelawhite Angela Lynne White
September 10, 1977
Sexual abuse of a minor (2 counts)
Kellylynnschilling Kelly Lynn Schilling
March 30, 1978
Sexual abuse of a minor
Charityshorey Charity Shorey
February 9, 1979
Unlawful sexual contact (2 counts)
Sexual abuse of a minor

Enjoy! LOL.

Edited 01/18/05: Rocky looks a bit weird. God knows why I picked him. I think the cutest of em all, the one I forgot to include because I saw him at the last minute, is 28 year old Wilmont R. Southworth the 3rd. What a fancy name for someone who has 4 counts of sexual abuse with a minor. I like his eyes. I think he's sexy.

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